Novelty Plastic to Pimp Your Wallet
Paper or plastic has long been more than just a supermarket mantra. While nearly half of Americans suffer from credit card debt, their use ceases to dwindle. Two cycle billing and jacked up interest rates don’t scare most people away from charging more than they can afford, and why would it? Even though most people don’t even understand their own credit card agreements, the “I’ll pay for it later” mindset is not an easy one to shake.Credit card companies know this and thrive off of what the average consumer does not know. Recently, Congress has been looking into the unfair practices of the credit card industry, and while it’s too early to say if anything concrete will come out of these senate hearings, it’s a little encouraging to know that daddy is looking out for his spoiled little girl and her nasty spending habits.
11. Apple
Want to be as hip as Justin Long in those Mac vs. PC commercials? Just sign up for the Juniper Visa Card with iTunes Rewards. In addition to letting you finance an iPod or a Macbook, this card has a rewards system that gives two iTunes points per every dollar spent online at apple.com or at Apple retail stores. When you reach 2,500 points, you get a $25 iTunes card that you can spend on the new Shins album if you didn’t already download it months ago. The only downer here is for people afflicted with the disorder that makes them match everything to one specific color: the card only comes in black. If you don’t have a newish black iPod or Macbook, you’re out of luck. This card isn’t anything special, and yet for some reason a lot of people probably have one and rave about it. Kind of like Macs, right?
10. Star Wars
Interest rates on the Star Wars credit cards soar fast enough to make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. These cards (yes that’s plural, because George Lucas can’t make just one of anything) offer one of the most expansive rewards programs called Galactic Rewards. A 1:1 dollars to Galactic Credits ratio system is in place for any products purchased and the credits can be used towards keychains, restaurant gift certificates, or memorabilia like a C-3PO Limited Edition Mini Bust. The best thing about these cards, however, is that it continues the great American trend of lining Mr. Lucas’ pockets with cold hard cash that he simply does not need. Star Wars has a massive fan base and the money made from these cards alone has probably helped Lucasfilm recoup the money lost on Howard the Duck alone.
9. Batman
The Dark Knight has been fighting crime since 1939 and if you live in South East Asia, he can now help you fight your sanity when you get your monthly statement. But Standard Chartered’s new Batman credit card has only Christian Bale’s (or Adam West's for old school fans) likeness in common with the spandex clad detective. Sorry comic book fans, no fun reward points prizes like a Batarang, the Batmobile, or a tour of the Batcave. It does offer a couple of things like chances to win trips, special invitations to movie screenings and exclusive discounts on certain products. Much like the character, the Batman credit card doesn’t have any super powers underneath its mask.
8. Mini Cooper
Hey, it’s one of those weird Euro-cars from that crappy movie they remade a few years back. What’s it called again? Tiny something, right? Oh, Mini Cooper. You say you saw one in real life once? No kidding. Well it turns out Mini Cooper owners are dedicated to their glorified go-karts and now they can get a customized card to match their exact model. The MINI Motoring Reward Points System is similar to other programs, but when you spend money on car related purchases such as gas or tolls, the points double (!) from one to two points per dollar. When these points add up, you can use them on such things as MINI Moolah (car service), MINI Motoring Gear (clothes), or MINI Giving (donations to charities (something actually worth it?!)).
7. Hello Kitty
It’s no surprise that a Hello Kitty credit card exists. After all, the little white cat appears on over 22,000 different products and brings in $500 million yearly, half of the Sanrio Company of Japan’s $1 billion annual revenue. Not only will you receive a Hello Kitty sequined change purse for signing up for the card, but there is also a standard 1:1 points to dollars system rewards system. But the points have nothing to do with Hello Kitty Specific merchandise. The card is basically a Visa WorldPoints credit card with a cartoon cat on it. Hello Kitty fans might be bummed out by this, but let’s face it, if you’re getting one of these you’re just doing it to match your Hello Kitty hat, shirt, underwear, jeans, socks, shoes, wallet, watch, bracelet, earrings, necklace, hair clip, sunglasses, keychain, coffee mug, toilet, panty liners, floor buffer, chainsaw and car.
6. Looney Tunes
Remember back in mid 90s, when for some reason it was wildly popular to wear oversized t-shits and sweatshirts with Bugs Bunny or the Tasmanian Devil on them? Oh you never wore one? And you never had Zubaz pants either, huh? Well the rascally critters have yet again stood the test of time and have surfaced on Standard Chartered’s line of Looney Tunes credit cards. Where were these cards when you were buying a fanny pack to put your neon sunglasses in? While the cards offer a couple chances a year to win a trip and discounts on certain products, the only reason to have this card is if you’re a Looney Tunes nut. This line of credit cards proves that these cartoon characters are still somewhat popular and although Tex Avery has more than rolled over in his grave, Warner Brothers probably doesn’t have a problem with you using one of these to buy Space Jam on DVD.
5. NASCAR
Ricky Bobby wanted to go fast and so will you as you decline into debt when you sign up for the Ken Schrader NASCAR credit card from Visa. As you stock up on Busch Light and hot dogs, you can earn RacePoints “at every turn”. RacePoints is the reward system associated with this card and every time you make a new purchase with it, you can earn points to put towards NASCAR swag. The system works out to one dollar per point, so all you have to do is spend $1,900 and you can get a Jeff Gordon pennant flag with your favorite driver on it. Or you can spend $6,800 for a diecast model of Kurt Busch's car. That’s so worth it. The grand prize looks to be a gig as a crew member for a day for 175,000 points. Chances are if you spend that much money on the card, you can probably buy your way onto a NASCAR crew for much cheaper.
4. ESPN
The “Worldwide Leader in Sports” is now a leader in the custom card game. Will they sensationalize the credit card industry, as they have with sports? It’s hard to say but they will certainly give it their best shot with their rewards program. The ESPN Total Access points system is the same as the NASCAR card on regular purchases (one point/dollar spent) but they sweeten the pot a little as you get five points per each dollar spent on ESPN products. If you stick to just ESPN products, when you finally purchase your 3,888th $18 t-shirt, you can have a private party in the ESPN Zone Suite. That’s a tough deal to pass up. If you don’t want a private party or a Nike golf bag, you can save up your points and spend them on ESPN’s Sports Concierge Service. With this program, you can spend points on a sports fantasy camp, where washed up major leaguers can get frustrated with you as you try to hit a 50 mph pitch or struggle to make a simple lay-up. Of course, by the time you save up enough points to put towards one of these camps the rewards program will probably have run its course.
3. Garfield
Oh Jim Davis, is there anything Garfield related that you won’t approve of? It probably wouldn’t be wrong to say that Garfield is the American version of Hello Kitty…except for the fact that the lasagna eating cat’s cartoon strip was once beloved by many and is now heavily criticized for being stale. And of course there’s the whole whoring out his likeness thing going on. Jumping on the Garfield bandwagon is Commerce Bank, offering two different Visa card designs, a free tote bag for signing up and a relatively decent rewards program. In addition to the 1:1 dollars to points ratio, you get two points for every purchase at Garfield Stuff (a Garfield merchandise website), and three points for every dollar of interest accumulated on your monthly balance. What can you spend all of these points on? Authentic animation cells, coffee makers, and a Roomba. You also have the chance to win a trip to fabled Garfield Studios in Indiana, where you can watch the magic not happen, because Jim Davis doesn’t even draw the strip anymore.
2. mtvU
If you’ve attended college in the past 20 years or so, you know that you are inundated with offers for student credit cards because companies know that most kids don’t understand the process. They don’t care about your credit and if you’re not careful you can hurt yourself for a long time by screwing it up with a lot of missed payments. To better educate the younger crowd on credit cards, Citi and mtvU have teamed up to sponsor the Citi mtvU Card for College Students. They have a nice little website set up which of course flaunts the selling points but does have a section that provides information about the risks involved with having a credit card. Of course, most young people are likely to move on to the application after seeing MTV, the boom box, and the jelly beans (?) on the first page. The card allows for discounts and features a points system that actually rewards for a good GPA twice a year. At least they’re trying to promote education while they cripple the ability to attain loans in the future.
The American Express Centurion Card is the number one gimmickiest credit card of all time. Why? Several reasons come to mind, but at the top of the list has to be the fact that you simply can’t have one. That is, unless you happen to be a celebrity or just filthy rich. Oh, and even if you are famous and have tons of money, you have to be invited to own the coveted Black Card. You read that correctly, you have to be invited to attend this credit ruining party. It’s not a simple matter of filling out an application and waiting to hear back in the mail. They call you. Other stipulations upon entrance into this exclusive club include spending at least $250,000 on other AmEx cards within 10 consecutive months, a $5,000 entry fee and a $2,500 annual member’s fee after that. There are less than 10,000 cardholders world wide, making this the most exclusive charge card on the planet. Among some of the perks that come with this card: first class flight upgrades, $1 million-plus purchases without credit checks, and a personal concierge. This all sounds wonderful and the people who have Centurion Cards probably don’t even think of this, but man, you have to wonder what the interest rates are like if you miss a payment.
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